Sinister 2

Sinister 2

If I ever write a movie, Dear Reader, it’s going to be a horror film – if for no other reason than it looks so goddamn easy. Mind you –  I’m not talking about truly original and terrifying scripts, but rather the bland, formulaic ‘terror’ that plagues our local...
Southpaw

Southpaw

There’s something to be said about a film that deals in cliché. The kind of film that celebrates heroism and realizing one’s full potential, and only asks for a minor emotional investment as seasoning to a rehashed, unoriginal story. In the clearing stands a boxer and...
The Tribe

The Tribe

Confession time – I kind of hate people. Specifically I hate people who find a need to proclaim – in earshot of everyone else in a crowded lobby – that they are in fact a cinephile (like this woman at Alamo today). Seeing an arthouse film does not instantly rank...
The Midnight Swim

The Midnight Swim

Oh glorious day! My cinematic wish came true! Director Roland Emmerich was put on trial for crimes again humanity? No dear reader – but that would brighten even the gloomiest of days. A film director said she loved me…IN THE THEATER! Now naturally this is a bit of...
Inside Out

Inside Out

Well, the long hiatus is over, and I’m finally back to work on cynically tearing apart feature films in a manner that would make Anton Ego from Pixar’s Ratatouille proud. It’s been a depressing two weeks, to say the least, so it seems only fitting that this latest...
When Marnie Was There

When Marnie Was There

*Sniffle* Oh! It’s you! Don’t mind me – I’m just balling my eyes out after having watched When Marnie Was There. But Airman Xley – you don’t show emotion! You’re like film critiquing robot!  I know, I know! But what am I to do? Studio Ghibli is the cynic’s...